Build Opportunity From Critical Feedback!

Often working with my clients, I found that a prevalent confusion arises in understanding (or rather misunderstanding) what opportunities are waiting for someone when any suggestions are discussed. More often, the suggestions are understood in the range of criticism, nitpicking, poking, and non-constructive feedback, feedback et al. While it's a function of tonality, behaviour, choice of words, and communication style that can capture one's perceived understanding of any feedback into a hardcore criticism, more often, I have also noticed that there is an element of the receiver's mindset that also plays a huge role in truly being open to receiving a perspective. For most parts, this works for me more easily, as through the discovery sessions, I have already gathered much understanding of my clients and their personalities in depth to convey the message in the best way possible so that they can receive it. Yes, it's heavy lifting, but decades of practice have led me to build a skill that can ease the pressure off my clients to receive any constructive feedback (from seemingly critical feedback). This certainly helps them focus on the right takeaways and start channeling their energies into working on the next steps, achieving their goals.

Why am I speaking about this with you? The reason is to share a quick strategy that can shift the mindset when one perceives receiving critical feedback and building opportunity from it, which can turn any critical feedback into constructive feedback.

In a world where opinions are dime a dozen, we are all somewhat immune to taking on any new perspectives that can change our lives, even at a small scale. While not every criticism or feedback is good (and possibly the one that is non-essential, unsolicited, and repetitive), certainly, we can try to find a pattern where the world around us is trying to suggest something about us that we can improve for our highest good.

Take it from here. Imagine that you are in the middle of a heavily critical environment or an event. What's your next step?

1. 

   

   Settle in: Our brains naturally repel the negatively charged experiences, possibly even aggressive ones. In such high-tension hours, the best strategy is to quietly disconnect from the charged amygdala (reacts when senses potential high-risk fear) by adopting a self-soothing practice like deep, conscious breathing, and connecting with your internal state to feel more centered & align with prefrontal cortex (cognitition) to the present moment; giving yourself a micro-minute of cooling-off period to focus more objectively.

   
   

2. Intrigue: As the rationality comes to the forefront by the effects of settling in, ask yourself, "What is this trying to teach me?". Initially, you may find this stage where you struggle, then remind yourself that "There is something here for me to take back." (If you ever want to be slightly selfish, then this is the most effective time to do it!). This stage shall help you switch the focus from the perceived threat of the feedback to yourself.

   
   

3. Reflect: For most feedback, the tone and language of expression pose the greatest threats and challenges to the receiver. Shift your perspective by knowing that the tonality of the conveyed message has more to do with the provider of the feedback, and what is it that is bothering them to express? If the situation is pretty heated up, then you can offer to politely ask, "If everything is alright, can I help you with anything?". Please note this is an honest care towards the other person rather than a passive-aggressive control tactic. Genuine practice of care in the moment can help bring down the heightened tension.

   
   

4. Engage: Ask follow-up questions while leading with empathy that the sense goes away because of an underlying pain. Pause to listen actively with empathy

   
   

5. Understand: Emerge with a better understanding, essentially better means unravelling your own biases or assumptions that may come in the way of extracting what was precious, necessary, and relevant to know from the feedback.

   
   

6. Plan: Think through one or two major pieces of understanding the feedback to make micro-changes. These changes are intended to make you practice the most important part of the feedback - improvement (what needs to change/grow) & encouragement (what needs to continue). Also, think of ways to constructively include the source/ provider of the critical feedback in the process of the next steps.

   
   

7. Rollout: To build opportunity, knowing is not enough; opportunities are cultivated when they are practiced. So put your plan into action - steadily, incrementally, consistently. Practice is not complete until the experiment is conducted iteratively, multiple times, and effectively engages others who can provide a perspective on whether the planned micro-changes are working, need improvement, or are not required (triggering a circular feedback cycle).

I like criticism. It makes you strong. ~Lebron James, American professional basketball player

Amid critical feedback, make personal growth your priority & embrace the playground for creating opportunities to build yourself up!

Share your thoughts in comments.

About Author: Tejal Rathod (she/her) is a 'Management Psychology & Workplace Well-being' Peter Drucker Management Excellence Award-winning expert, Success Coach & Therapist, Author, Speaker, and Founder at eDC (www.elementsdcoach.com), having over two decades of diverse corporate work experience (Ex: IIM-A, Amazon). She believes in leaving a legacy of positive work culture through personal growth and elevating one’s consciousness for meaningful success in life. Tejal engages with Individuals, Professionals, and Organizations worldwide while specializing in Work Dynamics & Culture, Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, Behavioral Transformation, Professional Skills Development, Mental Health & Emotional Well-being, and Holistic Lifestyle Coaching.

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